Humiliation in BDSM

I have doled it out, and I have been the recipient. Though I do not classify myself as strictly domme, it is a huge compliment when I am dubbed a humiliatrix. You see, many submissives crave emotional pain, as it is even more powerful than physical pain. No matter how hard you cane somebody the great flashes of pain leave as quickly as they come. When somebody humiliates you the pain is felt again and again and again. It embeds itself into your brain. Emotional pain sluts are individuals that are completely rewired like masochistic Pavlovian dogs. Eventually the pain/pleasure combo becomes like a drug leaving the victim totally addicted. Many submissives report that humiliation is the only way they can get off. Though I am quite submissive with some people, I do not enjoy humiliation. Even in dirty talk I will happily call myself their horny slut or degrade myself into nothing but a sex object just for the thrill of the play. This is not humiliation. Humiliation on the BDSM level is so painful because it is grounded in truth. You humiliate their tiny cocks for SPH, otherwise known as small penis humiliation. You can make the pain cut deeper by shaming the rest of their body. You belittle them as a person overall. You create feelings of worthlessness. You completely rob them of all confidence. You destroy their ego entirely. Power is made by power being taken, and that is the underlying appeal to humiliation. Submissives are essentially addicts to the rush of relinquishing power. They crave the experience of subspace. Subspace has been described by many as a state of intoxication brought on by the hormones the body produces when engaged in fight or flight mode, the heightened state brought on by the intense interplay of pain and pleasure. As I previously mentioned, it can be a very dangerous and addictive cocktail.
Many submissives delight in their degradation and truly live the BDSM lifestyle. Others seem to wallow in it and see it as a life sentence or a punishment brought on by a case of bad luck. The reality is luck is just a concept, and sexiness or confidence is just an attitude. Though your brain can suffer from obsessive thoughts, and you can become addicted to subspace, every individual commits to a self-fulfilling prophecy. In the BDSM community, submissives beg for and desire this kind of attention. On the online webcamming community, not only do they beg for it but they pay for it too.
Findom, or financial domination, is another branch of BDSM that ties in quite nicely with humiliation. The emotional self-cutting of begging for humiliation is exaggerated in that their only worth is making you laugh and filling your pockets with their hard-earned cash. Findoms and dommes are essentially living, breathing goddesses that step on the face of their followers, or if the submissive is truly deserving, sat on! Could you imagine experiencing that power so closely? Imagine talking to God yourself and he tells you the cold hard truth of who you are and how powerful he is in comparison. It’s truly captivating. Even Jesus Christ himself could barely stand the light and power of God and ultimately sacrificed himself just to execute his will. Shit’s heavy, isn’t it? Essentially, dommes are God but they don’t ask you to kill yourself, they want you to keep working and living for them. They give their submissive a purpose to live. Now, the only thing harder than dying for somebody is continuing to live for them while in constant pain. Now, in my humble opinion, THAT shit is heavy. With that said, even humiliating a submissive is a form of compassion. You only humiliate those who desire it and you give them pleasure and purpose in doing so. You see, a submissive was submissive before they found their domme. They felt awash in the sea of life and too weak to carry on. They float around until they grab something to hold onto. For true submissives, BDSM is more than therapeutic, it’s their religion, it’s their way of life and it’s the greatest thing that has ever happened to them.

When a camgirl is offline…

You might be surprised to find that she actually isn’t in an orgy tonight despite what she says in her chat room tomorrow. The reality is different for every camgirl, but shared experience tells me that we are not what you think we are. My own non-camgirl peers assume that I am a cross between a porn star and a hooker, for real. These are the same people who are actively looking for a new sugar daddy as we speak. If you are a successful camgirl you don’t need a sugar daddy. Actually, I used to be more promiscuous before I became a camgirl. I also used to be a broke ass before I became a camgirl. I would go on dates thrilled that I didn’t have to worry about dinner that night! You already know I never said no to dessert.

The thing about being a successful camgirl is that your work ethic must be strong as an ox. You make your own hours and no one is checking up on you to make sure you aren’t late or slacking. You are your own boss and your destiny is mostly in your hands. It doesn’t matter how beautiful or sexy a girl is if she’s lazy. Lazy girls don’t make the big bucks! Consistency, long hours, research and salesmanship are requirements, not pluses. This industry has the highest turnover of all. The work itself is not daunting which is why this has always confused me. I make as much as professionals who have doctorates or skills that require extensive education. (Woohoo!) I also do this while having sexy fun! (Damn.) To me the effort required is more than justified.

When a camgirl logs off for the day her work is far from done. Many of us have children and/or a significant other and other responsibilities as well. In addition to all the normal-people stuff we have the camgirl stuff! Maybe you didn’t hear me when I said research is required. Most professions an individual never stops learning and this is no exception. If you are an entertainer you can’t perform the same act until the end of time. You have to offer different types of shows, cater to a world of different fetishes and come up with games and ways to keep everyone engaged both in and in between paid shows. Don’t forget our job is largely based off of our looks. Nails, hair and makeup (ughhhhhhhhhh) call for a lot of time and money spent people. The grooming literally never fucking ends. I can actually put on liquid eyeliner as fast as you can buckle your seat belt.

A camgirl has to spend money to make money. I go shopping (online or otherwise) several times a week. Oh my god, this article is so fucking boring, sorry guys, but the ugly truth is that camgirls are boring just like you. All the time I suspect that my kinky customers have an infinitely more wild life than I. *Cue Alanis Morrisette’s Ironic* The beautiful truth is that a successful camgirl is actually an individual very much worthy of respect. She’s a savvy, responsible and successful business owner. She is the epitome of confidence and independence. She’s the girl unloading groceries from her car and the one at the voting booth. She’s the one dedicating the vast majority of her waking time on her cam business to better satisfy her beloved customers! I thought I’d give the world something good to keep in mind next time webcamming is brought up in discussion.


Love and Webcamming

I have been avoiding my blog intentionally. Normally people suffer from writer’s block, but what I suffer from is an overabundance of emotion and inspiration. I am overwhelmed with desire and longing. Today I will break not just the fourth wall; all of them shall come crashing down.

I love my webcam job because I get to make people happy. Yes, most of them are men but actually there are couples, Transgender folks and even some women. Every person that comes into my cam room wants different shows, but what they all have in common is the trait that I share too: we are all looking for acceptance. We want the freedom to be our truest selves and that shows even through roleplay, where one dons the mask of another character. The underlying element is always honest vulnerability.

My cam name is ‘fake’ so am I not real? I am real no matter what name you call me. It doesn’t matter if I am fully clothed in the grocery store or in my socks and undies on camera, I am a real person and I give you a piece of myself no matter what I wear or what I say. The foundation of every single show I experience is my genuine desire to make you happy and feel accepted as you are.

Some people show their face or body on camera to camera, some remain anonymous. Some share pictures or details of their personal life with me. Some embellish or act as another character. No matter how the interaction unfolds, the underlying element is that they want to play, feel and share with me. Whether or not a human is acting, lying or being genuine, it all constitutes as human interaction. This is what webcamming is all about: the joy of people coming together.

There is a drawback to just about everything. Nature is only constant in it’s duality. There is an unfortunate component to indulging in fantasy. Fantasy reaches where reality can’t therefore will always be unattainable. I can’t meet anyone who wishes to meet. I am unable to transform the fantasy into reality. Your sadness is shared with mine. I simply can not break that golden rule. After all this is webcamming and not a dating service. No matter how attached we become or how many intense and intimate moments shared, we must always leave it at that.

So how do we manage? I see a lot of my regulars leave and not come back for a while because they simply want more than the fantasy. We all want to be loved, accepted and enjoyed. We want to touch and feel which is why we came together in the first place. I suppose the best that we can do is enjoy each moment as fully as possible. Anxiety occurs when we are lost in ideas or concepts of the future. Anxiety increases when we regurgitate the past. Perhaps whether we are mid-moment lost in fantasy or experiencing the reality of the now we must give our total attention to whatever it is and then carry on to the next moment as if the last had never occurred. Happy little goldfish just keep swimming! Keep existing and feeling whether it is beautiful and fantastic or challenging and disheartening, because that is the purpose of life: to experience for better or worse.

Truth, beauty and love matter whether it is purely fantasy or a true gift of reality. We need the magic as much as we need the mundane. We need the entertainment as much as we need the nourishment. We need each other whether it is in person or over the internet. I do love you and want you, and I need you to be happy. I will always feel this for every one of you that shares yourself with me.

Why I LOVE being a Camgirl

Sorry mom and dad, I love being a camgirl. Come to think of it, I remain unapologetic. A wise man named Alan Watts has many times lectured on the eternal wisdom of getting paid to play. It is the ultimate cheat code to life. If you have fun with your work and it gives you a means to survive, hell, even flourish, then you have yourself a happy little life. Not only am I paying my bills with orgasms but I get to inspire others to do the same and spread that happiness all around. I have zero guilt and shame that I carry. Guilt and shame are socialized into us, especially women and especially when it comes to sexuality. In a world of puritanical values and what many call a patriarchal society a lot of women may not feel empowered to enjoy their own sexuality let alone broadcast it on the internet for almost the whole world to see. A bit of unlearning has really benefit my life all around. When you let go of concerns of what other people may think of you, a whole world of happiness suddenly becomes available.

Contrary to what many others would assume, my sexuality does not equate my personal value. I was brought up in an environment that taught the value of a woman’s purity. The moment you gave away your virginity, your ass is done. You are now Mary Magdalene and only Jesus will love and hold you. Goodbye white picket fence! Goodbye successful doctor/lawyer/rich husband! Goodbye familial approval! And so long >:) No more do I define happiness as what other’s think it should be. I have miraculously found happiness all on my own, one webcam show at a time. I must give credit where credit is due. My customers are extraordinary gentlemen. Each day they greet me with the warmest of welcomes. I log on to gold tips oftentimes just because they appreciate my company and not because they would like a quick flash of tits or ass, though that is just fine too! Unending compliments, genuine and oftentimes silly conversation, oh and tons of naughty flirty fun. What human could say no to that?! The best part is that nobody’s life gets ruined. Nobody is breaking any laws or any homes. There is nothing desperate about this act. It really boils down to just human interaction and entertainment.

A camgirl’s job is an acting job. Much like a street performer or a dancer, a camgirl can step into a persona. My cam persona is a stronger, more confident and more dangerously seductive version of my real self. Much like Beyonce’s Sasha Fierce, Maria Lopez is an unstoppable force and loved by both men and women. Maria is a true queen and a star. It is wonderful fun being Maria. When it’s time to log off and wipe the glitter off of my eyelids I can be the most humble and unassuming of people. Though I must say Maria has taught me that it’s totally fine to be a confident and independent woman. One could say that we learn from each other. I have always been a sex positive person and interested in kink and fetish. Now I feel at home in an industry that embraces my innermost desires. It’s okay to be sexy. It’s okay to be sexual. It’s even okay to make money off of being sexy, so many other industries also have this quality though it is not so socially stigmatized. You may think of webcamming as a “hot girl job” and not a serious career or a small business, but that is the essential truth. A waitress doesn’t want to be a waitress forever (generally speaking) and they only do it for the money. Webcamming is viewed as the sexy equivalent of serving but that is not a well thought out proclamation. Camgirls come in all the body types that there are in the world, and of all ages and in poor and good health. There is a market for everyone, including pregnant and mature women. A camgirl could vary her show to satisfy a world of different fetish or a particular style. Camgirls hear me when I say that if you are getting bored with your work it is totally in your power to change your show into something more fun or something that hasn’t been done. This business is the most inclusive and flexible of all business categories available.

My greatest career fear was that I would end up locked up in a cubicle in a job with little to no creativity, and that I would always have to answer to another evil boss in the corporate world. I am a creative human and I need an outlet for all of this creativity. Before I found webcamming I was at a loss for what my career was to be. It always felt like a compromise. I figured I would always have to choose between owning my own business, having a life, having a creative job and having money. I found that for all other vocations it was pick two out of the four options. Through webcamming, I have been able to obtain all four directives with no compromises. If you are somebody sitting on the fence of whether or not to start your own webcamming business and the only thing stopping you is fear of what others will think of you… then please take a moment to reconsider that your opinion is the only one that should matter to you. Look at my life as an example of a woman who shed herself of untruths and is living her best life. Sorry I am not sorry mom and dad!


Mental Health Awareness Within the Adult Entertainment Industry

People who work in the adult entertainment industry are also knows as sex workers whether or not any sex actually takes place. Strippers don’t (or shouldn’t) have sex with their clients. Webcammers do not have sex with their clients. Sex phone operators do not have sex with their clients. Yet we are all grouped under this sex umbrella and with it comes huge stigma. From the camgirl’s perspective I feel isolated from the world a bit. I have to choose whether or not to omit information about my work or to take the risk and be forthcoming only to be treated differently than others with more ‘normal’ jobs. No matter how healthy or positive your mindset is you can not change the way others react. Often you are forced to live a secret life or to isolate yourself. Either option is unhealthy. When we can live honest lives we can be content.
Interestingly enough many people who have endured sexual trauma somehow end up in this industry. I myself am included in this particular group. This phenomenon can not easily be explained, it just is. Perhaps it is an instinctual pull to address our underlying issues. To truly embrace our own sexuality and others as a positive experience can be truly therapeutic. I must say today I have never been more of an advocate for sexual health and wellness. My journey has not been without struggle. Often a webcammer who has experienced sexual trauma can be triggered, though this can also be a form of exposure therapy. That goes without saying that it is risky. Panic attacks come and go but they are debilitating. Depression is like breathing. It can be controlled to an extent but it can also run on it’s own. An individual in this industry could easily travel down a dark train of thought and obsess. Obsessive thoughts are destructive. They rob the joy of living in the moment and exacerbates an already negative situation.
In three months 4 adult film stars have committed suicide. Is the industry to blame? The whole world? The individual? There is no easy or comfortable answer as there is rarely a singular cause. It is likely a combination of influences and circumstances. So how do we improve? This discussion is an important one. Sex workers are not currently provided any health care. We must seek it out on our own. Counseling specific or friendly to sex workers is difficult to obtain and costly. All sex workers must be incredibly responsible and hard working people to stay afloat despite what many would think. When your job is based on your looks that is always a 24/7 job. There is a lot of pressure for all of us. People truly do believe it’s easy money but they are misinformed. All webcammers are business owners and their body/mind is the product. It is an incredibly demanding job. The girls who do well and make it look effortless are the ones who put in the most effort. Incredible amounts of research are required to get started let alone succeed. You must maintain a well-rounded and healthy lifestyle to protect yourself from degrading physically and mentally. You are more prone to infection than the average woman. Relationships are more difficult to obtain and maintain.
All roads seldom traveled are difficult to walk. Every sex worker today paves the way for future adventurers. I hope to be one of many who provide insight in efforts to make it safe and accessible to anyone interested in sex work and webcamming in particular. I am a passionate person in every way. It shows in my interactions with people online and off. I hope my passion for what I do reaches you. Hear me when I say that you and I are the ones who determine if adult entertainment is good or evil, when in reality it really shouldn’t be that serious. Treat all sex workers with respect. Don’t bully or shame. Listen intently and understand when we say that we deserve respect. Our work is work just like your job. We do it to pay the bills and survive but we also do it because we enjoy it. Pity, disgust and judgement have no place here.

This is the number for the national suicide hotline: Call 1-800-273-8255
If you or someone you know are having thoughts/feelings of suicide do not hesitate to call. This service is here just for that and it’s a good first step in the right direction.


The Magic of Jerk Off Instruction (JOI)

Everybody loves masturbation and everybody loves playing games. It is no surprise to me at all the men of the world tend to really enjoy Jerk Off Instruction otherwise known as JOI. It is only meant to be a bit of sexy fun but it actually serves a few different purposes. Before we pick apart a JOI’s usefulness let’s discover what it actually is, since it is so often left up to the individual’s interpretation. A jerk off instruction is nothing more than an edging game. Edging is a term only very recently made popular and mentioned in TV and film such as Orange is the New Black and I love you Man featuring Jason Biggs. Edging is a sexual technique in which one attempts to control or delay their orgasm. This technique increases sensitivity, hardness and ultimately output. In media where edging has been mentioned it has been the punchline of a joke or something to be abhorred or confused by. Edging has a bit of bad publicity so to speak! Men have unknowingly practiced this technique for as long as sex has been around. I can’t speak for the individual but as a group men would like to last a bit longer in the bedroom. I think both parties are generally desiring a longer romp as opposed to the bitter disappointment of the two pump chump. No matter how wonderful your cock is if you can’t even last five minutes (quickie standard) you are going to leave every one of your lovers wanting for more in not a good way. If a man is feeling close to cumming he generally slows down or he strokes the middle instead of the tip or maybe even pauses for a moment altogether. Doing so ultimately provides a much more powerful orgasm after enduring such a hard tease. Edging = more fun all around! There really is no negative aspect.
What about the people who find it difficult to reach the point of orgasm? Well pull up your chair, because I used to be one of those people. USED TO! Edging was the ultimate game changer for me. Edging myself actually taught me what my body does to prepare itself for the big release. Actually trying to prevent myself from cumming worked as a reverse psychology for me and actually makes it possible to do so. *cries happy tears* Before I started camming I could count on one hand how many orgasms I have had in my entire life. Now I will have that many orgasms in one day! A healthy sex life (solo or otherwise) is a truly pervasive gift as life appears to be more satisfying all around. The shame and stigma that tends to encapsulate sex all around the world needs to melt away. Shame is a powerful motivator as it enhances roleplay and fantasy but it largely prevents a lot of people from even touching themselves in the first place let alone being intimate with other people.
What can a man expect when he approaches a camgirl for his first JOI? What I would suggest to this man is ask for what you want. Every model has a different interpretation. Every sex act has a submissive or dominant intention so a JOI can of course be approached both ways. Even a submissive act can start slow like most JOI’s do. Maybe she requests that you edge or tease your cock into almost cumming to earn every piece of clothing taken off. A dominant woman will be more demanding and offer nothing or little to you, as reward for your pleasure isn’t the true focus. You can expect vague or very detailed instructions on how to play with your cock and when. I modify the instructions to the recipient. I customize the pace to his personal desires or goals or even budget if that is what it comes down to. There is no real standard though you will find most JOI videos on Pornhub to be about 10 minutes in length. I have had a JOI last for the better part of an hour on Streamate! Everybody has different needs and capabilities so communication prior to the show will maximize the total experience. Post-JOI comments are the most rewarding to me as a cam model. It makes my day when a customer thanks me so sincerely for a truly pleasurable experience. I love my JOI fans so dearly and I hope that you one day consider yourself one! Until then happy bating 🙂

How do you dirty talk?!

This is the question I am asked the most by webcam girls and non performers alike. Dirty talk is really just communication in the bedroom which is key to both parties achieving their sexual goals. Dirty talk files into a few sub-categories: fantasizing/roleplay, nasty talk for shock value and intimate or sensual dialogue. Fantasizing through dirty talk is a great tool for dipping your toes into the pool of kink. Before you try group sex, cuckolding or other situations that are hard to come by, really you ought to talk, whisper or scream out mid-coitus what’s reeling through your dirty mind.
Humans love entertainment. We watch movies, we read books and we fantasize. Roleplay or creating a dirty dialogue is an extremely entertaining form of sex. You can have all the passion and naughty feelings of a torrid affair without actually wrecking your home. It’s a nice break from having to be perfect and decent all the time. Even something as serious as infidelity can be made lighthearted by a bit of cheating roleplay in the bedroom. I have found this to be incredibly therapeutic though initially uncomfortable due to my previous experience of being cheated on. Roleplay really is about putting on someone else’s shoes which is always an enlightening exercise.
Nasty talk for shock value has always been a bit more challenging for me as I have always been a more sensual as opposed to wild creature. Raceplay, cursing/swearing and obscene talk are all surprisingly powerful. Certain words evoke feelings much like art evokes emotion. In typography, the art of written words stylized to elicit emotion, is a visual form of the art of dirty talk for shock value. The words we react to and how it is delivered and interpreted is often the catalyst for pushing one into a very powerful orgasm that you would’ve otherwise had issue achieving. I have had requests to repeat dirty and descriptive words pertaining to sex acts, using racist terminology and even everyday words that you wouldn’t expect an individual to find stimulating. The scope is far and wide for what constitutes dirty talk and it really is different for everybody. An example of dirty talk that I love is something I am actually too ashamed to admit to the world right now. Okay fine: “Pack my shit with your big dick Daddy I need to cum.” That might have made you throw up in your mouth a little but it made me horny just typing it. Moving on now…
Sensual dialogue is my all time favorite kinky addition in the bedroom. I love intimacy and nothing is more intimate to me so far in life than to make known quite clearly what is going on in my mind and body. My sensual sharing is more focused on the admiration of my partner’s sexual being. I describe every detail of his cock. I demand his hands on specific places on my body. I describe his touch and how it drives me wild. I use words instead of my hands to evoke sensation.
“I love feeling the contours of your muscles so different than mine. Where the tissue gets softer I want to sink into you…the curve of your neck and the warmth of your belly. I want to suckle on your earlobes and make the hair stand on your arms. You make my heart race and my body comes alive. When I suck your cock the massage I give you with my lips is returned to me and this pleasure never stops unfolding. You challenge me with your fullness and those moments where I struggle to hold you deep inside are all too brief. You get me high and I just want to get you higher.”
My example shown above mentions the shared pleasure of sex and attempts to capture the magic found in intimate moments. Orating the moments and sensations you love to give and receive enhance that magic that could otherwise become blurred or almost go unnoticed.
Humans think in words and images. Men are typically visual creatures and women tend to be more abstract and empathetic. Yes, these are blanket generalizations but with that said it is still worth mentioning that words can be used to bridge that gap and increase understanding and therefore happiness all around. So let the naughty games begin! Join my live show and you can play with me in all of these wonderful ways 🙂