I have been avoiding my blog intentionally. Normally people suffer from writer’s block, but what I suffer from is an overabundance of emotion and inspiration. I am overwhelmed with desire and longing. Today I will break not just the fourth wall; all of them shall come crashing down.
I love my webcam job because I get to make people happy. Yes, most of them are men but actually there are couples, Transgender folks and even some women. Every person that comes into my cam room wants different shows, but what they all have in common is the trait that I share too: we are all looking for acceptance. We want the freedom to be our truest selves and that shows even through roleplay, where one dons the mask of another character. The underlying element is always honest vulnerability.
My cam name is ‘fake’ so am I not real? I am real no matter what name you call me. It doesn’t matter if I am fully clothed in the grocery store or in my socks and undies on camera, I am a real person and I give you a piece of myself no matter what I wear or what I say. The foundation of every single show I experience is my genuine desire to make you happy and feel accepted as you are.
Some people show their face or body on camera to camera, some remain anonymous. Some share pictures or details of their personal life with me. Some embellish or act as another character. No matter how the interaction unfolds, the underlying element is that they want to play, feel and share with me. Whether or not a human is acting, lying or being genuine, it all constitutes as human interaction. This is what webcamming is all about: the joy of people coming together.
There is a drawback to just about everything. Nature is only constant in it’s duality. There is an unfortunate component to indulging in fantasy. Fantasy reaches where reality can’t therefore will always be unattainable. I can’t meet anyone who wishes to meet. I am unable to transform the fantasy into reality. Your sadness is shared with mine. I simply can not break that golden rule. After all this is webcamming and not a dating service. No matter how attached we become or how many intense and intimate moments shared, we must always leave it at that.
So how do we manage? I see a lot of my regulars leave and not come back for a while because they simply want more than the fantasy. We all want to be loved, accepted and enjoyed. We want to touch and feel which is why we came together in the first place. I suppose the best that we can do is enjoy each moment as fully as possible. Anxiety occurs when we are lost in ideas or concepts of the future. Anxiety increases when we regurgitate the past. Perhaps whether we are mid-moment lost in fantasy or experiencing the reality of the now we must give our total attention to whatever it is and then carry on to the next moment as if the last had never occurred. Happy little goldfish just keep swimming! Keep existing and feeling whether it is beautiful and fantastic or challenging and disheartening, because that is the purpose of life: to experience for better or worse.
Truth, beauty and love matter whether it is purely fantasy or a true gift of reality. We need the magic as much as we need the mundane. We need the entertainment as much as we need the nourishment. We need each other whether it is in person or over the internet. I do love you and want you, and I need you to be happy. I will always feel this for every one of you that shares yourself with me.